How I Relate to Another Being Is How I’m Living Life Now

 ### Embracing Vulnerability: Redefining Safety in Relationships:

**The Illusion of Safety**:

We often assume that being open or vulnerable makes us less safe. But what if the opposite is true?

### The Heart of Our Lives: Relationships:

**The Core of Connection**:

Relationships are undeniably at the center of our lives. For many, they are the heart that sustains us. Especially in marriage and longstanding partnerships, relationships can be miraculous, exciting, engaging, frightening, painful, and confounding. In the heat of a disagreement or a hurtful moment, we can lose sight of the profound impact these relationships have on how we perceive ourselves and interact with the world.

### The Myth of Isolation:

**The Illusion of Separateness**:

Despite our numerous relationships, we often think of ourselves as isolated beings, separate from others and our world. However, we are never as fully separate as we might imagine. Core relationships have the power to reveal this interconnectedness. By recognizing this, we can bring our relationships to life and improve the quality of our lives.

### Learning from Core Relationships:

**Modeling Connection**:

Any marriage or core relationship can teach us what relationship itself means. These relationships become a school for deepening other important emotional connections. Each friendship, in its unique way, holds the potential to develop the same openness and emotional intimacy as a core relationship. They can foster caring, mutual discovery, trust, and exploration. Conversely, if a core relationship is dominated by resistance, pain, dishonesty, and projections, other relationships might mirror these dynamics.

### The Power of Vulnerability:

**Embracing Openness**:

Discovery and caring make us vulnerable. Our senses and feelings reach out, allowing others to reach in.

### The Courage to Risk:

**Facing Fear**:

Openness can be frightening. It can scare us into shutting down. However, fear can also be a sign that what we're feeling is meaningful and worthwhile. It signifies that we are in a state where the unknowns about the future of the relationship might exceed what we know. And we must be willing to take that risk.

### Embracing the Unknown: Finding Safety in Vulnerability:

**The Power of Perception**:

Living with the uncertainty of not knowing is a constant part of life. We might think that being open or vulnerable makes us less safe, but perhaps it makes us safer. When we are more aware of the reality around us and recognize how much of the future is unknown, we can make better decisions. Relationships can help us see what is truly real.

### Interconnectedness in the Present Moment:

**Recognizing Inter-being**:

Right here, in this moment, the person in front of us is part of our life. We breathe; they breathe. We feel; they feel. Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh called this concept inter-being – we inter-are with others. Similarly, Australian Zen teacher Susan Murphy uses the Aboriginal term us-two to describe relationships. Our connection with another person, being, or place is not between separate, disconnected entities.

### Being Present with Others:

**The Shared Experience**:

When we sit with someone, we are also sitting with ourselves. We become aware of our own breath and feelings, as well as theirs.

### Responding to Challenges with Awareness:

**Mindful Engagement**:

When a question, problem, hurt feeling, or fear arises, it helps to pause and take stock of where we are. Feel the rate of our breathing. Notice where in our body we are tense or relaxed. Are we preparing to run away, attack, hide, or embrace?

Ask yourself, what do I feel right now, right here? What might the other person be feeling? Why might they be saying what they’re saying? What did they mean by their actions? Embrace the fact that how we relate to this other being reflects how we are relating to life, to this very moment.

### The Symphony of Life:

**Listening to the World Around Us**:

As I sit in my backyard, a bird – a Carolina wren – sings its three-trill song. Then a blue jay and a cardinal join in. From the road, the sound of a massive truck adds to the symphony. The house of my hearing has many doors, each one opening to a unique aspect of life.

By being fully present and embracing our interconnectedness, we can transform our relationships and our experience of life itself.