### Escaping Narcissistic Abuse: The Quest for Fairness and Freedom:
Survivors of narcissistic abuse often seek a sense of fairness, despite knowing that it contradicts the nature of their relationship with a narcissist. These relationships are inherently imbalanced, filled with emotional turmoil. When we leave a narcissist, we may hope for justice and rational equity, but reality seldom meets these expectations. Nonetheless, we continue to search for validation.
### The Search for Validation:
We don't seek validation because we're still attached to the narcissist—we left them and are glad to be free of their emotional abuse. Instead, we seek it to stop feeling crazy, to protect ourselves and our children, and to expose the narcissist for what they are. Sadly, society often refuses to understand Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and family law is generally ineffective in dealing with such highly manipulative individuals.
### The Persistent Bully:
**Understanding the Narcissist's Nature**:
Leaving a narcissist doesn't mean they'll leave you alone. Narcissists are skilled bullies whose deep-rooted insecurities drive them to make others feel bad to boost their own self-esteem. When you leave them, it enrages them, intensifying their need to tear you down. They withhold necessities, prolong breakups or divorces, confuse your children, spread lies, and use emotional sabotage in various ways.
**Society’s Misconception**:
Society often believes that divorce resolves relationship issues. However, shutting down a narcissistic bully is nearly impossible. They can't stop their compulsion to target their insecurities at someone, and that someone is often you.
**The Solution**:
To combat this, don't let the narcissist upset you—it only gives them more power. Ignore them and avoid engagement, as this fuels their behavior. This is easier said than done because bullies know where to strike to hurt you the most. However, reacting emotionally only makes it seem like you have the issue, giving them more leverage to manipulate others, including your children.
### The Lingering Craziness:
**Enduring the Aftermath**:
Leaving a narcissist doesn’t necessarily free you from the craziness they bring into your life. This craziness persists due to the need to co-parent, financial dependencies, and their continuous attempts to control, manipulate, and punish you. The narcissist believes you wronged them, so they linger in the background, causing as much disruption as they can.
**The Solution**:
The more independent you become, both financially and emotionally, the less control a narcissist can have over your life. Minimize any form of engagement, whether through text, social media, or email. Counseling for your children can help mitigate the narcissist's ability to confuse and manipulate them. Though simple in theory, these steps are challenging in practice. Those of us who have left a narcissist understand that we do the best we can while dealing with a person with a serious mental health disorder that society doesn’t fully grasp.
### The Harsh Reality of Injustice:
**The Hidden Personality**:
Leaving a narcissist unveils the true severity of the injustice. Firstly, there’s the personality of the narcissist—an abusive individual masked by a charming facade. This discrepancy is deeply frustrating as no one would believe that such a seemingly delightful person could be abusive.
**Escaping Accountability**:
Secondly, narcissists often escape accountability. They get away with their actions because no one holds the "golden child" narcissist accountable—not their family, not their friends, not society, and not the legal system. Their charm, manipulation, and deception are too effective to be easily detected.
**Unfair Consequences**:
Thirdly, the consequences of leaving a narcissist are profoundly unfair. You might end up with ruined credit, financial ruin, homelessness, manipulated children, and more.You, who saw the best in the narcissist, are the one who gets destroyed. You, who never gave up on them and followed the rules, are the one left to pick up the pieces.
### Reclaiming Your Power:
**Acknowledging Reality**:
The only way to accept and heal from the injustice is to reclaim your power. Acknowledge the narcissist for what they are—abusive and suffering from a destructive personality disorder. Recognize that you made choices along the way. You stayed with them, tolerated their bad behavior, and became more vulnerable. This means they do not control you; you are in control. You can make different choices now.
**Self-Empowerment**:
No, it’s not fair that you didn’t understand who they were initially. But you did eventually, and at that point, you remained. Often, you excused their behavior out of fear of leaving. Self-empowerment can heal injustice. Consider volunteering at a shelter, helping others, or pursuing a career in law or divorce coaching. If the injustice feels too great, finding a sense of spirituality and purpose can transform your pain into purpose.
**Re-Establishing Justice**:
You can’t make sense of a narcissist; there will always be injustice with this mental health disorder. However, you can re-establish a sense of justice in your life. Take accountability, learn from the experience, and heal. Freeing yourself from a narcissist is complex, and many of us feel as if we never fully escape. People may say "move on," but it’s not that simple—the narcissist hasn’t moved on.
### The Path to Freedom:
**Accepting the Reality**:
Good people can experience terrible things. It’s challenging to escape someone we once mistakenly loved. Even post-breakup or divorce, the sense of desperation persists. Will we ever be free of the bully, the craziness, the injustice?
**Finding True Freedom**:
Yes, we can be free. But only when we recognize that fairness is a contradiction to the nature of a narcissist. There is nothing good, equal, or fair about a relationship with a narcissist. There never will be. Acceptance of this reality is the first step towards true freedom and healing.
**The Hidden Personality**:
Leaving a narcissist unveils the true severity of the injustice. Firstly, there’s the personality of the narcissist—an abusive individual masked by a charming facade. This discrepancy is deeply frustrating as no one would believe that such a seemingly delightful person could be abusive.
**Escaping Accountability**:
Secondly, narcissists often escape accountability. They get away with their actions because no one holds the "golden child" narcissist accountable—not their family, not their friends, not society, and not the legal system. Their charm, manipulation, and deception are too effective to be easily detected.
**Unfair Consequences**:
Thirdly, the consequences of leaving a narcissist are profoundly unfair. You might end up with ruined credit, financial ruin, homelessness, manipulated children, and more.You, who saw the best in the narcissist, are the one who gets destroyed. You, who never gave up on them and followed the rules, are the one left to pick up the pieces.
### Reclaiming Your Power:
**Acknowledging Reality**:
The only way to accept and heal from the injustice is to reclaim your power. Acknowledge the narcissist for what they are—abusive and suffering from a destructive personality disorder. Recognize that you made choices along the way. You stayed with them, tolerated their bad behavior, and became more vulnerable. This means they do not control you; you are in control. You can make different choices now.
**Self-Empowerment**:
No, it’s not fair that you didn’t understand who they were initially. But you did eventually, and at that point, you remained. Often, you excused their behavior out of fear of leaving. Self-empowerment can heal injustice. Consider volunteering at a shelter, helping others, or pursuing a career in law or divorce coaching. If the injustice feels too great, finding a sense of spirituality and purpose can transform your pain into purpose.
**Re-Establishing Justice**:
You can’t make sense of a narcissist; there will always be injustice with this mental health disorder. However, you can re-establish a sense of justice in your life. Take accountability, learn from the experience, and heal. Freeing yourself from a narcissist is complex, and many of us feel as if we never fully escape. People may say "move on," but it’s not that simple—the narcissist hasn’t moved on.
### The Path to Freedom:
**Accepting the Reality**:
Good people can experience terrible things. It’s challenging to escape someone we once mistakenly loved. Even post-breakup or divorce, the sense of desperation persists. Will we ever be free of the bully, the craziness, the injustice?
**Finding True Freedom**:
Yes, we can be free. But only when we recognize that fairness is a contradiction to the nature of a narcissist. There is nothing good, equal, or fair about a relationship with a narcissist. There never will be. Acceptance of this reality is the first step towards true freedom and healing.
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